Carolina Dean

My earthwalk began in the summer of 1973. I was given a name chosen by my parents. However, it wasn't until many years later that I, Carolina Dean, was born or should I say awakened? But I'm jumping ahead of myself here. 

After my parents divorce, I came to live with my maternal grandparents in a small town in South Carolina , who raised me as their own. I was a shy child, and mainly kept to myself. I grew up with a thirst for all things magickal, having been fascinated by television shows like Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie, Tales from the Darkside, and Friday the 13th the Series among others.  I believed that everything had magick. From the marbles I found in our backyard to the sticks I played with, everything had it's own special power.  In the woods near my home, I sought out the elusive Bigfoot and the the Lizard Man (a local legend).

My first encounter with real magick, however, occurred in the summer of my sixth year. After my parents divorce, my mother didn't have a car so we had to walk everywhere. I had developed warts all over the back of my hand and my grandmother told me that it was because I let a frog pee on my hand.  I don't think that she really believed that, she just told me that because a bunch of us boys were bad about scaring old ladies in the neighborhood with frogs, snakes, and lizards we'd caught.

To get rid of the warts, my mother walked me to a healer's house on one of the back roods leaving out of town. The little old lady performed a ritual to "take off" my warts that entailed her rubbing a penny over them while praying. My mother was then instructed to take me to a public place where I was to give the penny to the first stranger I saw, which we did.

Unfortunately, the magic ultimately failed and I had to have the warts painfully burned off, but having the ritual performed over me really awoke something in me and began my interest in pursuing an education in the magickal arts.  

Looking back, I always knew that I was different, unfortunately my classmates knew it as well.  Because I was perceived as gay, which I am, by my peers, I wasn't particularly popular in school, which only added to my low self esteem and sense of isolation. I felt betrayed by God, because I was taught by the church that homosexuality is a sin and an abomination. I felt that God had no right to punish me for something in which I had no choice. I first came to witchcraft for entirely the wrong reasons. I wanted the boys to like me and I wanted to hurt the people who hurt me. I also thought that by practicing witchcraft that I would be getting back at God for abandoning me. 

In those days, there was no internet and so there was very little good information on witchcraft, at least in my small Southern hometown. What few books there were in my local library were those that put forth the misconception that witches are evil.  I never went to a point in my witchcraft where I hurt anyone, except myself. However, I did not hurt myself on a physical level, but on an emotional and spiritual one. The void inside me only grew with my hate for the world and for myself.

By the time I entered college, I had developed an interest in learning to read the Tarot, which was inspired by the character of Solitaire in the James Bond motion picture Live and Let Die (1973). The library at my college had an extensive occult section that was much more balanced.

Through my interest in Tarot, I found the Craft of the Wise. After a great deal of reading, studying, practical application, and experimentation, I did learn to read the Tarot and eventually learned enough about Wicca to know that it was for me. I initiated myself into the craft in a self-initiation ceremony and adopted a new name to represent my newly chosen reality, and allthough I have had many magickal names in the past two decades, I am currently known as Carolina Dean. I applied the principles of Wicca to my life, and I am a much better person for having done so. The void inside me has been filled with self-acceptance, self-love, and with that has come power. 

In the late 90's I joined WARD (Witches Against Religious Discrimination) and completed a course in Metaphysical Principles. Soon thereafter, I became an active volunteer as the National Membership Director. A few months later I stepped down as the National Membership Director to dedicate more of my time and energies to our Pagan Prison Ministry Division.

As the Director of Communications for the Ministry I corresponded with over 100 Wiccan/Witch/Pagan prisoners assisting them in their personal and spiritual growth as a Priest, Teacher, and Guide. In addition I traveled all over South Carolina and some parts of North Carolina teaching classes and leading workshops on various Pagan related topics. My most popular workshops being The Book of Shadows and An Introduction to Astrology.

During a 2001 visit to the Foothills Correctional Facility in North Carolina an inmate (a follower of the Gardner Tradition) questioned how I reconciled my sexuality with my religious beliefs. I explained that in the early days of the craft some covens did not welcome homosexuals. Even Gerald Gardner, the "Father of Modern Wicca", made no attempt to hide his aversions to homosexuals in the craft community. He even went so far as to suggest that the Gods would curse any same sex couple who would practice the craft together.  I explained that Gardner's prejudice was a reflection of his generation and that as times have changed, most modern Wiccans consider alternative sexual orientations to be healthy and positive.

It was not unusual for the prison Chaplain, or his assistant, to sit in on our meetings. After this visit, I was subsequently banned from volunteering within the North Carolina Department of Corrections for promoting homosexuality. Although I could have fought the decision, I chose not to do so at that time so as to prevent any future problems for the other volunteer and out of a fear that all future Wiccan classes would be canceled or denied. Although I continued to correspond with students within the NCDOC, I focused my visitations to facilities within South Carolina.

Working with Prison Chaplains, WARD recognized the need to assist those Wiccans/Witches/Pagans who we were not able to visit, and who did not have resources to express and study their religion. To address this issue,  I co-authored the Official Wiccan Study Handbook in 2002 for the Pastoral Branch of the South Carolina Department of Corrections. The Handbook consisted of a Wicca 101 course that I, and other members of WARD, taught at over 20 facilities throughout the State. In 2004, WARD was dissolved and many of its members were absorbed by AREN (Alternative Religions Education Network). After several years of working a full time job, and working with WARD, and extensive traveling to teach, I chose to take a break from my volunteer activities in order to further my own education.

In 2003 I began Cat Yronwode's year-long Hoodoo Rootwork Correspondence Course, however, due to several life changing events as well as moving from South Carolina to Washington State I did not complete the course until last year, graduating in May of 2009.

During this time, I became a popular blogger on Coven Space, a social networking site for Pagans. When Coven Space was shut down (and later began anew on a new server) I continued my role as Teacher, Priest, and Guide by beginning a blog which focuses on various metaphysical topics. In 2007, I organized the contents of my magickal journals into a website, effectively publishing my Book of Shadows. Then in 2009 I founded the Crossroads Coven in Oak Harbor, Washington. In December of that same year, I was ordained as a Minister with the Universal Life Church. 

I now see myself as an empowered individual, a far cry from that introverted boy who just wanted to be accepted for who he was.  I have come to a place of self-acceptance in my life and have come to know that I have the power to shape the course of my own destiny.

 Blessed Be,

Carolina Dean